ELM Productions: Image references

16 Feb 2010

Image references

2 comments:

tutorphil said...: Interim Online Review 16/02/2010

Hi Earl,

Lots of comic potential here - it's very busy in terms of action and pratfalls, so you really need to start 'directing with a pencil' asap; you will need to storyboard this slapstick stuff to an inch of its life to ensure that all the gags convey.

Your act 1 seems cluttered; the idea that the burglar 'has one last steal' is complicated and it means you have to introduce the additional characters of the police etc. In terms of the 'hook' to capture attention, simply get your hapless burglar into the shop as soon as possible; the 'whoopee cushions in the dumpster' just means that you show your hand before the game's even begun; I'd suggest for Act 2 to have the surprise factor, Act 1 needs to be played pretty straight; the music with the cash register is nice and the pound sign eyes - all work well.

Act 3 - hmmm - it extends your story beyond its own point of interest; surely the climax of the story is the burglar being apprehend; this doesn't seem yet resolved to me; there's a punch line buried there somewhere; anyway, your burglar is a hapless fool, not someone the audience wants to see escape with a 'devilish grin' - they want to see him get his just desserts!

Edit Act 1 (Get straight into the action and into the shop) and shave Act 3, so that the point of entry by the police is the end point; you'll have a more satisfying structure as a result.

Remember that the brief is very clear about character sheets and presentation storyboards - this is all about artistry, design and the 'world' of your story too. You need to start drawing now.

See the next 2 comments for general stuff re. the written assignment.; 16 February 2010 at 10:40
tutorphil said...: Stylistically, many students' essays still lack the required formality and tone for a University level written assignment. Many of you write as if you’re ‘chatting’ to your reader or writing a blog entry. This is inappropriate and you need to cultivate a more appropriate style if your discussions are to be authoritative and properly presented. Below are some suggestions re. use of language; take note and use!

Use good, formal English and grammar,
 see: http://www.ucl.ac.uk/internet-grammar/home.htm

Use objective language: e.g. rather than 'I find it difficult to identify ...'

'It is often difficult to identify...'
'It can be seen that...
'There are a number of...'

Adopt a cautious academic style; avoid conclusive statements: e.g. use may, might, it seems that, appears to, possibly, probably, seemingly, the evidence suggests that, it could be argued that, research indicates...

Avoid assumptions and generalisations: e.g. everyone can see, everybody knows, public opinion is...

If you make a statement, always present evidence to support it.

Within your essay you will be hoping to demonstrate or prove something. You will have a point of view that you wish to convey to your reader. In other words, your essay should 'say' something.

You should support what you wish to say with a reasoned argument and evidence.

A reasoned argument consists of a series of logical steps you make in order to lead to a point where you can form some sort of judgement on the issue you have been examining, or come to some sort of conclusion.

Paragraphs are organised in order to build your argument in a series of logical steps

A typical paragraph is concerned with a single step in your argument

The first sentence of a paragraph is the topic sentence. It clearly states which step in your argument you intend to deal with in this paragraph

Subsequent sentences explain, define and expand upon the topic sentence

Evidence is offered

Evidence is commented on

A conclusion may be reached

Try to make each paragraph arise out of the previous paragraph and lead into the subsequent one

Below are some useful ‘linking’ words and phrases that suit the formal tone of an academic assignment – get used to using them to structure clear, articulate and confident sounding sentences.

To indicate timescales:
when, while, after, before, then

To draw conclusions:
because, if, although, so that, therefore

To offer an alternative view:
however, alternatively, although, nevertheless, while
To support a point:
or, similarly, incidentally

To add more to a point:
also, moreover, furthermore, again, further, what is more, in addition, then
besides, as well
either, not only, but also, similarly, correspondingly, in the same way, indeed
with respect to, regarding

To put an idea in a different way:
in other words, rather, or, in that case
in view of this, with this in mind
to look at this another way

To introduce and use examples:
for instance, for example, namely, an example of this is
such as, as follows, including
especially, particularly, notably

To introduce an alternative viewpoint:
by contrast, another way of viewing this is, alternatively, again, rather, another possibility is..
conversely, in comparison, on the contrary, although, though

To return to emphasise an earlier point:
however, nonetheless, despite, in spite of
while.. may be true
although, though, at the same time, although.. may have a good point

To show the results of the argument:
therefore, accordingly, as a result
so, it can be seen that
resulting from this, consequently, now
because of this, hence, for this reason, owing to, this suggests  that, it follows that
in other words, in that case, that implies

To sum up or conclude:
therefore, in conclusion, to conclude, on the whole
to summarise, to sum up, in brief, overall, thus; 16 February 2010 at 10:44

Post a Comment

Subscribe to: Post Comments (Atom)